DON’T LOOK BACK (Ma Saison Dans L'Enfer) Artist Statement
At the age of 18 I developed an extremely rare genetic eye disease called Keratakonis. The ailment moved rapidly, causing a radical shift in vision from excellent sight to near-total blindness in less than three months. It was only through corneal transplants was vision finally restored over a lengthy four year period. Having spent the past seven years virtually denying that this experience ever took place, I have decided to re-examine this unique period of my life in the exhibition DON'T LOOK BACK(Ma Saison Dans L'Enfer).
DON'T LOOK BACK (Ma Saison Dans L'Enfer) is a visual journey into blindness. Throughout the creation of this body of work a flood of memories came rushing back, of countless hours in hospital rooms, I recalled how it felt to be in the position of the wounded. Again, I felt the sensation of obtrusive exposure as innumerable doctors and nurses entered and exited, the burning focus of blinding lights, the emotion of being a living exhibition, scrutinized by an audience of unfamiliar individuals as my vision faded away to dim shadows, and finally, total blackness.
DON'T LOOK BACK (Ma Saison Dans L'Enfer) is not a literal expression of blindness, rather a non-linear selection of fragmented and disjointed images, a “travelogue” of memory. The images represent the various stages of development of the disease, either entering or exiting the dusky shadows. The gathering storm of darkness, to me is its own narrative character, descending swiftly and mercilessly.
The title DON’T LOOK BACK (Ma Saison Dans L'Enfer) is meant to reference both my own ambiguity towards re-examining this painful period of my life, as well as A Season In Hell by French Symbolist poet Arthur Rimbaud. Often my work references history or literature, and I am interested in twinning personal and historical narratives. A Season In Hell was an integral aspect of my psychological recovery. Often I would walk around the house in the middle of the night, in solitude and silence, training myself to understand my environment in order to better navigate table legs and door handles. These literal forays into dark obscurity became personal expeditions which I found analogous to the voyages taken by the protagonist in A Season In Hell. Other artists have previously found inspiration in the work of Arthur Rimbaud, with Robert Mapplethorpe, Pablo Picasso, David Wojnarowicz, and Stephen Kasner being notable examples.
Another thematic pillar of DON’T LOOK BACK (Ma Saison Dans L'Enfer) is the notion of identity gained through the recognition of the other, or opposite. Aesthetic choices were made to emphasize pairings – black/white, light/dark, day/night, sight/blindness, etc. In short, to truly appreciate the light, one must experience the dark.
